Raising Kingdom Kids Pt. 3
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Delivered By
Bob Petersen & Nelly Griffitt
Delivered On
January 27, 2019
Description

Raising Kingdom Kids Pt. 3

 

 First, this is not to condemn or shame. 

 

Our goal is to raise our kids to graduate them to:

1.      Operate in this world successfully

2.     Operate in our Father’s kingdom and prosper

 

The stages of development we will cover are:

1.        Birth to Self-aware  (0 - 14 months)

2.       Self-aware to Puberty  (14 months - 10)

3.       Puberty to Teen  (10 - 14)

4.       Teen to Adult  (14 - 18)

 

1 Timothy 3:1-7 NAS 1 It is a trustworthy statement: if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do.  2 An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, peaceable, free from the love of money. 4 He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity 5 (but if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the church of God?), 6 and not a new convert, so that he will not become conceited and fall into the condemnation incurred by the devil. 7 And he must have a good reputation with those outside the church, so that he will not fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.

 

 Self-aware to Puberty  (14 months - 10)

  • The child should start to experience unpleasant repercussions to negative actions as soon as the child shows a knowledge of right and wrong.
  • This is usually before the age of one.
  • If a child hasn’t been disciplined by the age of two you will be behind and need to catch up.
  • Still in this stage the parent is the totalitarian law

 

"There is a concept in our society that a child must be taught and not restrained or it will stunt their growth. If this were true, we would test our children and if they scored low in math and high in spelling we would remove math from them and give them more spelling.- Dr. Jordan Peterson

 

Concerning allowing the child to learn from there choices through consequences:

  • A child does not have the higher cognitive parts of the brain develop at a young age
    • And does not fully develop in this area until an average of age 25.
  • The part of the brain that develops in a child is not taught but trained.
    • Through the child dealing with negative consequences and dealing with the repercussions.
  • When we don't allow a child to experience these negative repercussions the child's brain does not develop properly.
  • This is the part of the brain that is similar to an animal in that they can be trained to not do bad things and trained by positive reward to do good things.

 

The primary point with discipline is that it teaches a child to set boundaries to keep the enemy out of their lives.

 

Why spanking instead of teaching or grounding?

  1. The bible says to do it.
  2. The child must learn to obey from commands and not from understanding.
  3. A child must experience the pain of disobedience in order to learn the distinction between right and wrong.

How do I know what to discipline for?

  1. Spanking is for disobedience not mistakes
  2. What allows the enemy access into their life?
  3. Rebellion
  4. Defiance towards parent
  5. He that know the right thing to do… (James 4:17)
  6. What is harmful to them physically.
  7. Fit throwing

 

Difference Between Teaching & Training

 THE "WILL CENTER" 

  • A child’s will must be broken
    • This is not breaking their spirit.
  • Our world is filled with places that restraint must take place
  • The child’s spirit is broken when:
    • The child is spoken to with harshness because of the anger the parent feels due to the child’s rebellious actions and words to the parents that now want them to obey.
    • The teen child feels rejection from society and the parent as love is withheld due to the fact that they are now a disruptive problem child.
    • They don’t have the willpower to get on top of negative actions causing them defeat

 

Boundaries With Kids

Consequences transfer the need to be responsible from the parent to the child. Consequences make it the child’s problem.

Parents allow the child’s problem to become a problem for them instead of their children.

Remember, the child needs to worry about and solve the problem.

So the role of the parent is to help the child want to do that. Consequences provide this motivation.

In parenting situations, remember these few questions when figuring out what to do:

  1. Whose problem is this?
  2. What can I do to help him experience the problem?
  3. What am I doing to keep him from experiencing the problem?

 

 Puberty to Teen  (10 - 14)

  • In this stage everything is the same as far as the parent being the boss and in control.
    • What is different is the type of punishment issued.
  • Corporal punishment will need to cease by the age of ten or it will instill rebellion.
    • The child is old enough to rationalize that they should not accept physical aggression towards them and making them accept it will either embitter them or cause them to accept defeat because of the pain.
  • Some parents can be good in the lower disciplinary stages but don't know how to release their child in the older stages to allow them to make mistakes and still love them.
  • Some parents that won't move past the totalitarian stage & try to control their children into ages that their children should not be controlled.
  • Religion makes us afraid of any type of what would seem failure in our kids so we won't allow them to fail to learn from it.
  • Don’t be embarrassed by your child’s learning.

 

Does My Child Understand Why?

  • As adults we must have understanding before we do something.
  • We think that our children need to understand why they should or should not do something.
  • We believe that the understanding will cause our children to do what they’re supposed to do.
  • Teaching on The Base or Animal Brain in us.

 

Know that God will work with you in parenting!

  • 2 Samuel 7:13-15 NAS 13 "He shall build a house for My name, and I will establish the throne of his kingdom forever. 14 "I will be a father to him and he will be a son to Me; when he commits iniquity, I will correct him with the rod of men and the strokes of the sons of men, 15 but My lovingkindness shall not depart from him"

 

PRACTICAL THINGS

  • My ultimate goal was to have the boys to correct themselves.

4-Step Plan of Action to Correct a Dysfunction:

  1. In passing, mention the dysfunction.
  2. If it continues, directly address the dysfunction.
  3. If it continues, give an ultimatum.
  4. If it continues, implement the appropriate discipline.