Raising Kingdom Kids Pt.2
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Delivered By
Bob Petersen & Nelly Griffitt
Delivered On
January 20, 2019
Description

Raising Kingdom Kids

 

The stages of development we will cover are:

1.        Birth to Self-aware  (0 - 14 months)

2.       Self-aware to Puberty  (14 months - 10)

3.       Puberty to Teen  (10 - 14)

4.       Teen to Adult  (14 - 18)

 

 

STAGE 3:  Self-aware to Puberty  (14 months - 10)

  • The child should start to experience unpleasant repercussions to negative actions as soon as the child shows a knowledge of right and wrong.
  • This is usually before the age of one.
  •  If a child hasn’t been disciplined by the age of two you will be behind and need to catch up.

 

Heart issues with child raising:

  1. Lack of personal discipline.
  2. We live vicariously through our kids.
  3. Kids can tell when love is issued based on performance.
  4. We want to relive our school days through our kids.
  5. Offense when our child incurs the repercussion of their actions through another person or entity.
  6. When our children break rules at school or with the law we become angry with the police officer or teacher (or whoever the disciplinary entity is).
  7. Won’t discipline due to a lack of control with anger that makes you feel shameful later.

 

Boundaries With Kids

"The parent who cannot tolerate being hated will not be able to provide the reality the child needs to overcome feeling entitled. Love and limits are the most important qualities for a parent. The ability to tolerate being hated and seen as 'bad' is a parent’s next most important quality. God, as the ultimate parent, is able to do what is right and to take a stand, no matter what anyone thinks of him. He loves, but he has his standards and keeps them, even when we do not like it."

 

DISCIPLINE

Discipline is very clear in the bible:

  • Proverbs 13:24 ESV "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him."
  • Proverbs 23:13-14 AMP "Withhold not discipline from the child; for if you strike and punish him with the [reedlike] rod, he will not die. You shall whip him with the rod and deliver his life from Sheol."
  • Proverbs 29:17 ESV "Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart."
  • Proverbs 19:18 ESV "Discipline your son, for there is hope; do not set your heart on putting him to death."
  • Hebrews 12:9-11 NLT "Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn't we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever? For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God's discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it's painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way."

 

  • The primary point with discipline is that it teaches a child to set boundaries to keep the enemy out of their lives.
  • This is often the challenge for the undisciplined parent.
  • The child must then fight their own demons while fighting the ones that exist in the home.

 

Boundaries With Kids: Children Are Not Born with Boundaries

"A boundary is a “property line” that defines a person; it defines where one person ends and someone else begins. With boundaries we can expect a person to take control of themselves. We can require responsibility in regard to feelings, behaviors, and attitudes. A child needs to know where they begin, what they need to take responsibility for, and what they do not need to take responsibility for. If they know that the world requires them to take responsibility for their own personhood and life, then they can learn to live up to those requirements and get along well in life.

But if they grow up in a relationship where they are confused about their own boundaries and about others’ boundaries they do not develop the self-control that will enable them to steer through life successfully. They will grow up with confused boundaries that lead to the opposite: trying to control others and being out of control of themselves. In fact, an accurate description of children is that they are little people who are out of control of themselves and attempting to control everyone around them. They do not want to take control of themselves to adapt to the requirements of Mom and Dad; they want Mom and Dad to change the requirements!"

 

Rules of spanking:

  1. Do not spank in a rage.
  2. Explain the disobedience.
  3. Spank on the bottom.
  4. Make the child sit to reflect 1 minute per year of age.
  5. Reconcile with the child by hugging and holding.

 

  • When you don’t discipline because you’re afraid the child won’t like you now or love you later you are choosing you over the child.
  • You get satisfaction when that child is happy and expresses positive feelings towards you.
  • If you don’t discipline the child will:
    • At best have to learn the repercussions of wrong in a much harder way, probably when they’re older.
    • At the worst, experience the consequences of wrong in a severe way wondering why the world and God is against them, possibly never learning it and ending up in a hell on this earth and ultimately eternal hell.

 

Why spanking instead of teaching or grounding?

  1. First, the bible says to do it.
  2. Next, the child must learn to obey from commands and not from understanding.
  3. A child must experience the pain of disobedience and his mind will not do that at this point.

 

WebMD article

In his theory of Cognitive development, Swiss developmental psychologist, Jean Piaget (Jhon Piajhay) proposed that humans progress through four stages of intellectual (or cognitive) development:

  • Sensorimotor
    • Birth through ages 18-24 months.
  • Preoperational
    • Toddlerhood (18-24 months) through early childhood (age 7).
  • Concrete operational
    • Ages 7 to 12.
  • Formal operational
    • Adolescence through adulthood.

"During the early stages, infants are only aware of what is immediately in front of them. They focus on what they see, what they are doing, and physical interactions with their immediate environment."

"During the Preoperational Stage young children are able to think about things symbolically. Their language use becomes more mature. They also develop memory and imagination, which allows them to understand the difference between past and future, and engage in make-believe."

"But their thinking is based on intuition and still not completely logical. They cannot yet grasp more complex concepts such as cause and effect, time, and comparison."

"During the Concrete Operational Stage elementary-age and preadolescent children, ages 7 to 11, begin to demonstrate logical, concrete reasoning."

 

The purpose of spanking is to give the child a proper fearful counterbalance to sinful behavior.

 

How do I know what to spank for?

  1. Spanking is for disobedience not mistakes.
  2. What allows the enemy access into their life?
  3. Rebellion.
  4. Defiance towards parent.
  5. He that know the right thing to do… (James 4:17)
  6. What is harmful to them physically.
  7. Fit throwing.

 

Time Magazine article

Dr. Jared Pingleton, a clinical psychologist who serves as the director for Focus on the Family’s Counseling department states:

"Properly understood and administered, spanking is most effective as a deterrent to undesirable behavior for younger preschoolers (but never for infants). That’s because reasoning and taking away privileges often simply does not work with kids in that age range. As children age, spanking should become even less frequent as other types of consequences are utilized. Spanking should be phased out completely before adolescence."

"Generally speaking, we advise parents that corporal discipline should only be applied in cases of willful disobedience or defiance of authority—never for mere childish irresponsibility. And it should never be administered harshly, impulsively, or with the potential to cause physical harm. Along those lines, we caution parents who have a hard time controlling their temper to choose alternative forms of discipline. There is never an excuse or an occasion to abuse a child."

 

Difference Between Teaching & Training

 THE "WILL CENTER" 

  • A child’s will must be broken
    • This is not breaking their spirit.
  • Our world is filled with places that restraint must take place
  • The child’s spirit is broken when:
    • The child is spoken to with harshness because of the anger the parent feels due to the child’s rebellious actions and words to the parents that now want them to obey.
    • The teen child feels rejection from society and the parent as love is withheld due to the fact that they are now a disruptive problem child.
    • They don’t have the willpower to get on top of negative actions causing them defeat

 

⇔ Next Week ⇔

STAGE 3:  Puberty to Teen  (10 - 14)